Gran Torino: A Review

"Get me another beer, Dragon Lady...this one's empty."

Clint Eastwood is, as a recent article dubbed him, America's director.
When he goes, it will be the end of an era that is already drawing nigh with the passings earlier this year of Charleton Heston and Paul Newman. Though a handful of the films Eastwood has directed are poor products (Flags of our Fathers), his pantheon remains one of the most lauded and memorable in recent American cinematic history. On top of this achievement is the fact that, before he was a director, he was an actor of such unforgettable magnitude that the Duke was proud to call him a successor. For many years now, Eastwood has combined both his skills as an actor with his deftness behind the camera (even chipping in with scoring) to incredible, and award winning results.
Gran Torino, we are told, is the final film in which we will see Eastwood the actor, and it is an almost unbearable shame. A shame because no one will be able to replace him. A shame because if he was judged simply by his performance in Gran Torino alone, he would no doubt still be considered one of the greatest actors in history.
The film Gran Torino has a fairly simple plot, one that will be almost immediately recognizable for its genre tropes. In this way, the movie feels comfortable like a classic western, or a buddy picture. The title of course refers to Eastwood's character's treasured automobile, and the whole picture unfolds in nearly the same three locations. However, Gran Torino is far from generic and after the tropes are in place, an amazingly complex thematic mix of life/death, forgiveness, and judgement are woven together over 116 minutes through Eastwood's character and his relationships with the immigrant Ethnic Asians in his neighborhood.

Eastwood's Walt Kowalski is an old, retired Ford plant worker who served three years in the Korean war. He is mean, cantankerous, and racist. When he is thrown into the affairs of the Asians who live next door you can already imagine that he will "learn a lesson" and "evolve." Yet, nothing so trite takes place. Instead there is a thorough development of Walt's character that is believable in every beat thanks to Eastwood's portrayal.
To a degree, Walt does change like you'd expect from racist to accepting, from mean to kind, as he bonds with the Chinamen (actually some ethnic group called Hmong) but that change isn't what the story is about necessarily, and rather a symptom of the real growth taking place inside the character...a spiritual growth.

The story is at it's heart about how Walt comes to terms with the sins of his life and how to become at peace and understand the forgiveness of Christ (as a Catholic), and still find justice in the real world. One of the central relationships in the film is that of Walt and the 27 year-old priest from his parish, and it unfolds into one of the most realistic portrayals of the struggles of the faithful in a harsh and unforgiving world.
To me, Gran Torino was one of the most "Christian" films I have ever seen, and to elaborate too much on this claim would be to ruin some of the films more surprisingly moments. However, it is suffice to say that the true story of the film is how Walt finds salvation, in seemingly every aspect of the word. To say that Gran Torino is a "Christian" film will come as shock to any who can't get past the language (like my parents), because the other thing that can be said about the movie is it utilizes some of the most creative applications of cussing I have ever heard. Many of Walt's lines are punctuated by profanity, but to decidedly powerful effect (both in terms of intensity, and in humor.)

Beyond the story, the look and direction of the film are without question the work of a master of the craft. Without being stylishly showy, Eastwood still managed to make me mutter "wow" under my breath with his use of the camera. Gran Torino is at once classical and modern, with a steady and sure pace of editing that focuses your attention of the characters and enhances the story (as good cinematography and editing should).

See this movie, because it is entertaining and thought provoking. See this movie because it is both life-affirming and uplifting. See this movie because Clint Eastwood's Swan Song is an unforgettably ending to an even more unforgettable career. See this movie because Clint's character says, "zipperhead, slope, beaner, super spade, swamp rat, spooks," and all kinds of other hilarious politically incorrect things. See this movie because I said so.

War, its Good TV

It is a hard world out there, and no matter what your kindergarten teacher told you, dreams don't come true and you don't get what you wish for when you blow out those candles on your birthday cake. At least, that is the general rule of thumb, because today one of my dreams came true.
In the most astoundingly brilliant move of the year, Israel has not only declared all out war on Hamas, but has decided to film the whole thing and put it on a specially created Youtube channel!
We can now watch the children of God as they wage righteous war on their distant, considerably less amicable, cousins. From the Jerusalem Post comes THIS STORY, where the IDF (Israeli Defense Force) concedes that in their 2006 "Second Lebanon War" (did anyone know it was called that?) they failed to realize the power of the media in influencing the outcome of the conflict. We Americans have been painfully aware of the media's military power since Vietnam, and it seems a little silly that the Israelis didn't learn from our mistakes (a whole generation of people still know nothing about the Vietnam war beyond My Lai, napalmed children, and Platoon.) Part of the problem with Israel's struggle against Palestine and the rest of the Arab world has been the way the Muslims have been able to manipulate public world opinion through images of children tossing rocks at tanks, or through reports of rocket strikes that kill twenty women and children who were strategically placed as shields within key military targets.
Israel has, finally, found a solution: the internets.

"The blogosphere and new media are another war zone," said IDF Foreign Press Branch head Maj. Avital Leibovich. "We have to be relevant there."

Earlier this week the IDF proved to the international community the validity of this strategy by releasing a video that depicts Israeli missiles taking out a Hamas rocket launcher that is purposefully nestled in the center of a heavily populated residential area. Thanks to the surgical precision of the (US provided) Israeli military technology, the rockets were taken out without endangering "innocent" civilians, and thanks to the internets the world can see what total douche bags the Hamas terrorists are.
There is certainly a discussion to be had about the ethics/morality involved in turning war footage into tidbits of internet entertainment, but I believe America as a nation has already been desensitised to the prospect by a decade of cable news network "info-tainment."

The link to the Youtube Channel is HERE.
Below is a taste. Enjoy the future:

Friday Batman

Christmas is over, and maybe some of you got The Dark Knight on DVD/Bluray. For those of you who didn't, fear not, as you can always get your Batman fix here on Fridays. Watch below as Adam West's "Batman" fights off the Rouges Gallery on a submarine using a cat and a sword.


Now watch it again. Yes, he used a cat as a weapon. Batman has no limits.

Travel Time

As promised earlier, here is the time lapse video we shot on the drive back from being Cannucked.

Clubbin'

For Andrew:

Friday Batman

A Very Batman Christmas to you all!

A Kick in the Head

According to an absurdly awesome story out of Colorado (an oxymoron, I know) a three-day old baby was delivered and immediately operated on because an ultrasound showed what appeared to be a tumor growing in the infants brain. To quote our good friend Detective John Kimble,
"It's not a tumor!"
It is in fact, a foot. Yes, a foot. Look it:

That is a foot sticking out of a baby's brain.

The crazy thing is, there was some other junk in the kid's brain along with the foot, to include partial formed intestines. Read the whole, awesome story HERE.
P.S., there is video!

Cannucked---Part 3

(Parts One Here, Part Two Here)

We were straight profiled at the border, and ole Johnny Cannuck sent us over to immigration. It needs to be noted however that Brandon and Jared both answered "no" when asked if they'd passed through Canadian immigration before even though they had not a full two months before flown into Toronto.
"I thought we just went through customs." Brandon innocently whined as I berated him for his unfortunate lack in travel experience outside of the greater Conyers, Georgia metropolitan area.
Thus we went through the same drill again I had passed through in September when driving the film gear across....at the exact same location. This time however we were forced to wait in the cold while a female Mountie took out my personal luggage to run through an X-Ray. When she pulled my bags out to do this, she disrupted the delicate packing balance causing other bags to spill out onto the ground. I tried to keep from getting upset, having to remind myself of the Canadian policy of giving important jobs to mentally retarded people.
After Daisy Do-wrong shoved our stuff haphazardly back into the van, we were directed into the immigration office where we encountered, as our producer ole Greasy would later call him,
"That Dudley Do-Right Mother F***Ker."
He was a nice enough guy, but in that utterly incompetent way that caused him to make us sit in the office for half an hour while he fiddled away on the computer. My guess, to this day, is that he discovered The Free-Lancer and could only read a few words. In all likelihood he saw "Canada", "Sucks", and "Terrorist" somewhere in the posts and decided there and then that he was having none of it. Whatever the case may be, after an interminable wait he informed us that without work permits we wouldn't be able to enter Canada. No amount of protest or reasoning could dissuade him because like all robots he was programmed to do one thing, and he could not deviate from his directive. Thus we were forced to "voluntarily" leave Canada and return across the bridge to Port Huron, Michigan.

We called Ole Greasy, and he was understandably upset at the development. He babbled on about how he would charter a plane to get the equipment in and send us across at Detroit (the American Border Guard on our side warned us not to try to reenter at Detroit because that would be considered "port shopping" and would lead to criminal charges. Go figure.) Ole Greasy even managed to get hold of the Canadian border patrol by phone using the drug snitch line, but he couldn't get us and the equipment across, and since we were no good to anybody without the cameras and such it was a no-go. We had been completely Cannucked over.

We were stuck for the night in Michigan, with our plans foiled by the Hosers on the border. The next morning we escaped without being snowed in, but the drive back was hellacious to say the least. Brandon and I spent the next night in Chicago where I ate a surprisingly decent meal of Shrimp and Grits.

Our troubles were not over however, as we had a ridiculous circus with Budget Rental when the next morning our electronic key for the van decided to quit working. We had hoped to head back to Atlanta at 9 in the morning, but ended up waiting until 2 for a new, more lame (not Satellite Radio), van to be brought to us at the hotel.
We finally made it back to Atlanta around 3 in the morning four days after setting out, the trip itself being an utter failure. We drove around in snow storms, got Cannucked at the border, and returned to the blessed South with nothing to show for it but some money (we still got paid at least) and a timelapse video we took of the drive from Chicago to Atlanta which I will post later.
The moral of the story? Canada sucks.

JFM Internets Update

Earlier on this blog I brought it to your attention that I located on of my more obscure masterpieces on a random Japanese website. That was odd, but no more odd then discovering that same video posted on the message board of a car website.
Observe the Phenomenon HERE.

His Red Right (Three Dimensional) Hand

I am still pissed that somebody is already making Paradise Lost into a movie. I mean, come on, who more perfect to adapt John Milton's seminal work then John Milton? Of course, Hollywood doesn't know about me yet so I can't be too surprised that they turned to someone else. I just wish they weren't so impatient in LA, because now my version is going to be seen as a remake (whenever I finally get to the top.)

Anyway, the film is looking to be shot in 3D, which is interesting. Rotten Tomatoes has an article up where they interview the directors (the guy who made The Exorcism of Emily Rose and *cringe* the Day the Earth Stood Still remake.)

Check it out HERE.

Friday Batman

I assume that most of you who read The Free-Lancer are poor and don't have a Blueray player. You probably, like me, wish you did and you probably, like me, wish you had it almost exclusively to watch The Dark Knight. Even though we don't have Blueray, this is still cool:

Cannucked---Part 2

(For Part One see HERE.)

One of the utterly ridiculous facets of the Chicagoland area is the insane amount of tolls you must pass through to get from one side to the other. Even worse is how, once you are on a toll road, you must pay to leave and return. When Brandon and I hit the Skyway heading west towards the suburb of Elgin (where the office is) we were seven dollars richer then when we finally made it to our hotel. A preview of how America will operate under the Obama presidency? Perhaps.

On Friday morning we woke up early and moved out smartly for the Wicker Park district of Chicago where the editor/associate producer Jared lives. To get to his apartment we had to drive through Little Puerto Rico, literally passing under a giant metal representation of the Puerto Rican flag as we did. Puertoricanos were everywhere and all the billboards and storefronts were in Spanish. In random nooks and crannies of the depressingly snow covered alleyways were cardboard shrines filled with candles lit to Our Lady of Guadalupe. For a while, I totally forgot I was in America. This would unfortunately prove to be the most foreign part of the trip.

When we had picked up Jared, we swung out East through Chicago and began the long, horrible, awful, unforgiving, boring, snowy, drive across Michigan. In previous posts I may have postulated that Indiana is the most worthlessly terrible state in the US, however I must amend my opinion to say that such is only true during the warmer, corn-filled seasons. In the winter, by far, Michigan is the state where hell opens up and releases its horrors. We made it through that frozen Hades however, and arrived just before nightfall in Port Huron where we crossed the bridge to Canada and proceeded to drive through the border check.

Brandon was nervous about the rental van, and it showed. When the Candadian Border Patrol asked for the rental agreement, Ole Poopy Pants nearly went literal with his nickname. However, the Mountie was fooled (of course) by the photoshopped agreement and we passed his scrutiny unscathed. Then things went wrong. No doubt thanks to Brandon's nervousness, our beards, and Jared's crazy-eyes, we were directed to imigartion for further inspection.
Profiled, I tell you. We were straight, no bones about it, profiled.
Our troubles were just beginning.....

To be continued....

400 Years of Excellence

My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Uncle turned 400 on Tuesday and I was remiss in not celebrating. Happy Birthday!
Here is a very famous poem by my namesake:
On His Blindness

 When I consider how my light is spent
    Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
    And that one talent which is death to hide
    Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
    My true account, lest he returning chide,
    "Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
    I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
   Either man's work or his own gifts: who best
   Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
   And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
   They also serve who only stand and wait."

Late Justice is Still Justice

TV on the Internet

Taking a break from my Cannuck story for a quick aside....
You all know that I am a huge advocate of the internets and TV/movies streamed and/or downloaded from said internets. That is why I rock the Hulu sidebar, because if you don't Hulu then you're not living. Well, some insightful comedian named Jay Black slapped up a great open letter to the TV industry over on TVsquad.com. It is both insightful and hilarious in its advocacy of embracing piracy (something we here at The Free-Lancer also support.)

Read the Full Article Here.

Cannucked---Part 1

Over four days beginning on Thursday morning and ending at 3am on Monday, I drove around the United States in a van. I was supposed to go to Toronto.
This is the story of how I got Cannucked.

Things went bad from the get-go, and only really got worse. Brandon Thompson, DP and Steadi-cam operator extraordinaire, was in charge of renting the van for our trip.
He, however, made the mistake of telling the rental company that we were bound for Canada. The woman at Budget heard that and promptly gave him an "oh no you didn't" denial. Brandon, feeling awfully stupid, picked me up that next morning and we tried again at another Budget. We changed our story ("Going to Chicago, sir") but unfortunately ole Poopy Pants (that's Brandon) had been flagged in the system. I smooth talked the attendant and got us the van, but the rental agreement had a large warning on the document that read "Strongly Advised Cannot Go To Canada." To remedy this unfortunate situation, Brandon and I used modern technology to our advantage, i.e. photoshop. With our forged copy of the rental agreement in hand, we set out on an 11 hour drive through rain, fog, sleet, and finally snow across the western reaches of the Southern States and through the Devil's backyard of Indiana into Obamaland (Chicago.)

Chicago was frozen solid and the minute we stepped out of the van upon arrival we realized that Yankees must be the stupidest people in the world. In our hotel we met up with the producer, Ole Greasy, and learned the specifics of our task. The next morning we were to pick up the editor, Jared, and drive up across the border at Port Huron, Michigan similar to the last trip I made in September (Jared and Brandon got to fly last time.) Once in Toronto we would film a conference being held by the Canadian Auto Workers union (CAW) wherein the Trotskyites would be screening a dedication film we produced earlier on the life of a Canadian priest who died while advocating a Clergy union. Later we would pick up some interviews, but the main gig was Saturday morning at nine. We were expected to arrive in Toronto sometime the prior evening.
If only things had been that simple.....

To be Continued...

The Story of the Old Canadian Man

My good friend and travel companion, Chris Craft, and I were in downtown Savannah on the Tuesday night before Thanksgiving. We were walking the cobbled stones of River Street when we learned that Harry O'Donaghue was playing a set at Kevin Barry's Pub and decided to step inside to have a listen. The place was cozy, and there were very few people there for a holiday week, but that suited me just fine. Harry was on the stage with his guitar singing away in his mellow Dublin brogue to the tune of "The Wild Rover." Chris and I clapped along on with the chorus, and enjoyed the warmth of the occasion.

After the song, Harry took a small break and a considerably old looking gentleman sat down next to us to have a chat with the waitress on duty. I couldn't help but over hear the Old Man's slight accent and the last part of his conversation wherein the Old Man mentioned that he was amazed that you could smoke cigarettes indoors in America. Out of curiosity I leaned over and asked,
"Where is it that you are from, if you don't mind me asking?"
The Old Man smiled at me and said,
"Ontario."
"Oh yeah? I was just up there a little while ago. All over, from Toronto to the Lake Huron coast. I actually might be going back next week."
"Oh don't do that. Stay the hell out of Toronto. It's bloody cold and covered in six feet of snow!"
We got to talking more, and I learned that he was originally from England and that I had passed quite close to where he lived in Ontario during my travels. When asked why he was in Savannah he told us for the past few years he had come on holiday.
"For years we went to Florida. Then one day we were down there and I realized....Florida sucks!"
He told us he found Savannah charming and the people genuine. Then we somehow got on the subject of Capones, a local billards joint, and he mentioned that he enjoyed playing pool in a place where he didn't have to worry about being stabbed.
"Is that a big concern in Canada?" I asked, half joking.
He sat up and nodded vigorously.
"Oh yes, very much. Have you never been stabbed then?"
I laughed and shook my head, saying no, of course not.
"What? You've never been stabbed?" He then burst into laughter. "I can't believe it! You've never been stabbed!"
I was laughing now, at the sheer ridiculousness of this Old Man. I pointed out that Chris had never been stabbed either. He stared at us, his eyes and mouth wide in disbelief. He then shook his head and laughed even harder.
"I'm going to go back in there and tell my mates that you lot have never been stabbed, and they're not going to believe it!"
Just then his wife came over and he grabbed her by the shoulder.
"Honey, these boys tell me they've never been stabbed! Can you believe it!"
She joined him laughing and said,
"You're missing out."
"Never been stabbed! Unbelievable!"
At that point Harry returned to playing and the Old Man and his wife bid us adieu and headed on to their next destination. We shook hands and as we parted I promised to work on getting stabbed.

Canadiagain

Supposedly I will be driving back up through those awful non-Southern states to Toronto Canada to crew once more on the documentary that sent me there back in September. I say supposedly because as it stands right now (at 3 o'clock Wednesday afternoon, December 3rd) I have yet to hear back from the producer as to the exact details surrounding my departure and travel other than I am supposed to leave tomorrow with the DP, Brandon, in a van.
Dear Readers, there is a reason that despite being The Free-Lancer I do not actively seek work as a freelancer in the entertainment industry. All the "ifyness" and last minute chicanery gets to me, especially when I have no personal stake in the project at hand other than experience and money. However, the last trip paid well, the people I worked with are good people, and frankly I need the cash.

Indeed, the entire prospect of driving back through Indiana is so dreadful that I would almost be relieved to not be working on the shoot. Yet, once again, I need the cash. In the event that I do leave tomorrow for the dark horizons of Wanna-Be America, I will blog away my misery with more tales of Canadian foppery and horror stories of middle American corn encounters.

Oh Happy Day....Sort of

Thanks to the efforts (I believe) of voters who previously supported the Libertarian Candidate Buckley casting their lot for Saxby Chamblis, the Republicans have secured a vital seat in the senate.

I don't think I need to preach to the choir about the importance of this runoff. Thank you to all of those who I encouraged to vote Libertarian, and did, who now voted for Chamblis. Mayhaps one good day we can vote for a man who truly represents our principles.....JFM 2016!

The Future

There was once a commercial for Comcast featuring Mark Hamill (of Luke Skywalker fame of course) wherein he proceeds to lecture a group of people on his expertise in "The Future." Unfortunately I cannot find a copy of that commercial online, so I will move on.

I trust everyone had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving, and be assured that I did as well. Now, for a few weeks anyway, the Holiday season takes a break and I return to my duties. I've been away from the internets for a few days, and as such have a great deal of "catching up" to accomplish. There are many blogs to read, Cracked articles to peruse, lolcats to chuckle at, news to digest, etc. As I catch up, I will post here on significant finds and/or issues that come to bear as well as jot down some interesting stories I accumulated over my absence. In other words, stay tuned 'cause stuff is comin' down the pipe.

Also, I will know later today (God willing) whether or not I will be bound again for the frozen North to resume work on the documentary "Forsaken." As you long time readers will recall, twas this very documentary that spurred my long drive to Canada wherein I began my blogging as The Free-Lancer. Updates will follow should they arise.
In the mean time, here is a funny picture followed by a poem:

JABBERWOCKY

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

Holiday Hours

Blogging is both a ridiculous made up word and a passion so easily embraced by the common folk that the action attached to said word bears a range of opinions from idiotic to mildly important.
I like to think that The Free-Lancer resides somewhere near the important side of the scale and is read constantly by many people who thirst incesently for posts, but the truth is nobody reads this blog except for you (yes, you). Any fool can have a blog and a blog is only as good as its material. Thus, I feel it necessary to inform you, dear Reader, that as a part time blogger I will not be able to keep the quality posts going for the upcoming week as my life outside the internet calls me to greater things.

Oh really? You might ask. Is the Free-Lancer actually doing some freelance? Industry work? New project?

I'm glad you asked, and no. I am just on vacation. Nothing grand, or earth shattering, just a little break. Thus, as many of you may find yourself with more freetime to peruse the internet during the Thanksgiving week, I encourage you to take a look at past posts. Catch up on what you missed, and revist some of those old favorite (use the handy archive feature located on the right side of your screen under the Hulu app). I promise you that as soon as next Monday rolls around, I will be back blogging full force with more insight and intrigue then you can shake a stick at Tom. I threw Tom in there so as not to end a sentence on a preposition, since Lee is a snob.

Speaking of Crime in Savannah....

I thought in honor of Savannah making national news today for a campus shooting at Savannah State University I would share with you one of my earliest digital shorts.
Murder is an everyday affair in Savannah, though the suspects aren't always who you'd expect....


We shot this over the course of two days, and by we I mean me and the three actors (who also did the music). I shot this on my Canon XL1 right when I first got it before I really knew what I was doing (I was in high school after all) and edited on some cheapo consumer program that I wouldn't even think about using anymore. It still strikes me as funny, despite its obvious amateur look, and to date it is one of my favorite pieces.

Hometown Heroes

It's always nice to see your hometown in the news. (From foxnews.com)

"Savannah State University is on lockdown after a student was wounded in a shooting at University Commons, an on-campus residence hall.

Two people were taken to a local hospital after shots were fired between 11 a.m. and noon Friday, according to university spokeswoman Loretta Heyward. Heyward said SWAT was called because officials believe the shooter was still in an apartment in the residence hall. There were unconfirmed reports that the injured student was shot outside a classroom, according to MyFOXAtlanta. The campus was locked down immediately following the shooting. Cars were allowed to leave the school around 2 p.m. but weren't allowed to travel back onto the campus. "We have locked our doors and are keeping our students inside," said Tara Cox, a marine biologist at the Georgia school.Campus and local police, including a S.W.A.T team, are at the university, along with investigators from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. Savannah State University, a historically black college, was founded in 1890 and has a student population of about 3,200."

Being born and raised in Savannah, this does not come as a surprise to me at all. Savannah State is a black school, and the black population in Savannah is well known for its consistency in keeping the murder rate jacked up. I actually do have a white friend (one of the minority) who is attending the school, and in the developing hours I will attempt to get his word on the subject.

Savannah State has always been known as a degree factory. Now they can add "becoming corpses" to their already stellar litany of achievements.

The Heart of the Fatter

The world we live in today is a bafflingly idiotic place, and things seem to be becoming more and more ridiculously inane with each passing day (and yes, I get points for using adjectives.) One need only scroll through the archived posts on this very blog to get a fill of the absurd and heartbreakingly foolish (i.e. the resurgence of Piracy, water on Mars, mosquito nets vs. DDT, etc.).

I personally felt a blow to the brain when Barack Obama was elected president, and have not since recovered (but many of you readers know me and know how hard I take politics). My current state of hopelessness in humanity is not helped by the Obama merchandise hawked by the Blacks outside the train station ("Get yo' Obama, First Black President hat right here. I gots 'em in all colors!") or by every single story I read about the insanity already surrounding our next president (is anyone surprised that the terrorists called him a house negro? I'm surprised they said negro, to be honest. I wonder if they realize that they watered that remark down....I digress).

Today I read THIS STORY today about a study that proposes cutting out Fast Food advertisements from television could reduce "childhood obesity" by up to 18%. What these "researchers" or "scientists" are basically saying in their study is that kids in America are stupid (natch) and that they are so easily influenced by TV that the mere sight of a McDonald's commercial makes them at risk for being fat. Let's not consider that kids get fat because their parents allow them to eat too much, eat unhealthily, do not encourage physical activity, or any number of other DIRECTLY RELATED environmental factors. The "scientists" instead assume that the actual purveyors of the food products are (once again) the perpetrators truly responsible for making kids fat (how dare you supersize me!).

This study is based on a premise that has been circulating for a while now in "science" and the media that essentially posits that responsibility for fat people lies in the hands of the merchants, not the individual doing the eating. The corollary is the belief that, in all reality, McDonalds wants to make you and your kid fat--because they are evil and they make money (like Wal-Mart.) Studies like these never take into account the actual problem, the true reason for obesity:

Lack of Discipline.

I can speak from experience. A little over a year ago I weighed close to 275 pounds and my health suffered for it (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc.) and thus the doctor informed me that I needed to lose weight and fast. Realizing that I had no excuse for being fat (I never exercised, had an atrocious diet, and was basically just plain lazy) I decided to take action, and you know what, it was hard.
It is hard to not eat McDonalds and instead train yourself to enjoy vegetables, fiber products, and almost no sweets. It is hard to go out and run every day, to lift weights, to exercise. It is hard to pass by those free donuts at work every morning, or to give up your favorite sugary breakfast cereals and beer binges. All the things that are necessary to keep you from being fat, to keep you healthy, are hard. However, I did them. With discipline I changed my diet to a very healthy one, and I began to exercise daily. Over the course of a few months I lost nearly fifty pounds. A year later I weigh in at 200, and am continuing each day to lose more. I knuckled down and dedicated myself to the lifestyle that was required. My blood pressure is perfect, as is my cholesterol, and my resting heart beat is around 50 now....but it was hard. Changing my life required enormous amounts of struggle, because I absolutely hate running, but the discipline pays off.

Such is true for almost all areas of life, and is why the military is often successful in transforming reprobates and worthless losers into heroes, or at least people who can live a positive life. All of America's problems stem from an endemic lack of discipline, which itself stems from many other factors that I do not have the time to go into. Discipline is a learned behaviour that is not inherent to our human, sinful natures, and thus we see the effects of a rampant, ungodly society reflected daily in America. Credit Card debt? Lack of financial discipline. Obesity? Lack of nutritional discipline. In prison? Lack of an encyclopedia's worth of discipline. Democrats in Washington? Lack of political discipline.

The lack of discipline shown by these "scientists" in blaming Fast Food ads for fat kids is just another indicator of America's inherent ruin.

Friday Batman

El Caballero de la Noche!


DVD of the Dark Knight is out Dec. 9th.
Where upon I will begin my new tradition of watching it every night before bed.

The Final Frontier

In what is no doubt a calculated move by the crack marketing team in charge of promoting J.J. Abrams Star Trek reboot, "scientists" are now claiming that there is in fact frozen water hidden on Mars. Sure....

This seems to be a cyclical phenomena. Every other decade or so "scientists" will decide that there is water on Mars, and that human life might just be sustainable. This goes all the way back to the late 19th, early 20th centuries when the fissures visible on the surface of the planet were theorized to be river canyons. That theory is what helped people like C.S.Lewis and Edgar Rice Burroughs to craft their fantastical Martian worlds. Of course, "scientists" being the fickle sort that they are, eventually decide that, no, there really isn't water there. Those poles that looked capped in ice are really just frosted over with frozen nitrogen and children's broken dreams.

With the Earth supposedly on the verge of collapse, according to Al Gore and Roland Emmerich, it makes sense that the NASA "scientists" would be turning their collectively useless minds back to Mars and deciding, based on "science", "Ground-penetrating radar used by the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter", and probably a few too many drunk viewings of Red Planet (Val Kilmer and a killer robot!) that it is possible to send people to Mars where they could drill into these magical underground reservoirs and take Hope and Change to the stars. NASA has become a big, crooked-toothed, joke.

Let us recap today's world shall we? Obama has been elected President of the United States, Pirates are going crazy over in Somalia, and there are underground glaciers on Mars that could support life.
Here is the rest of the Mars story:
"In addition to their scientific value, they could be a source of water to support future exploration of Mars," said Holt. Scientists on the 12-member research team surmise that the frozen water deposits are remnants of a Martian ice age millions of years ago. Because water is one of the primary requirements for life, scientists said the frozen reservoirs are an encouraging sign of extra-terrestrial life. The buried glaciers reported by Holt and his 11 co-authors lie in the Hellas Basin region of Mars' southern hemisphere, and scientist said even larger frozen water reservoirs may exist in Mars' northern hemisphere.

"The fact that these features are in the same latitude bands -- about 35 to 60 degrees -- in both hemispheres points to a climate-driven mechanism for explaining how they got there," said Holt. Another member of the research team noted however, that a basic mystery about the glaciers remains unsolved.

"A key question is 'How did the ice get there in the first place?'" said James Head of Brown University. Unanswered questions also persist, Brown said, about what might be contained in the frozen water.

"On Earth, such buried glacial ice in Antarctica preserves the record of traces of ancient organisms and past climate history," he said. NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, a division of the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena, manages the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter for NASA.

Things You Should be Eating #1

The greatest of all brown sauce, and probably the best thing to come out of Britain since Cricket. HP goes on everything, though I particularly favor it on fried eggs, pork, or just by itself on bread as a sandwich. I have now eaten HP in three different English speaking countries and must conclude that Australia's version is a bit more on the malt vinegary side, the kind you can get in Canada is spiced differently (and has French on the bottle, which is blasphemous), but the good ole English variety (the one you can get in America) is the best place to start.

Interested in getting a bottle? Try your local World Market, or order some online. 'Tis worth.

UPDATE:
One of those clever devils over at Threedonia dug up an entire website dedicated to brown sauce. CHECK IT OUT HERE.

JFM Goes Global

Inspired by extreme boredom, I typed my name into google to see what would come up. The expected links were there to my lame and seldom visited myspace page and to Facebook. There were also plenty of links to things about John Ford, or John Milton. Nothing new really, or so I thought.

I came across this link to some crazy Asian website where a video I put up on youtube last winter has been embedded. It's just a quick clip of me tackling a snow man. I have no idea what the website is, or why that particular video shows up there. Baffling.

Hulu

If you aren't familiar with Hulu.com, you should avail yourself of this opportunity to become acquainted. Hulu is a sponsored site that features legally viewable movies, TV shows, clips, etc.
Conglomerates like Fox and NBC (GE) allow their movies and shows to be featured on the site to attract advertisers. Youtube is going a similar route soon, but right now Hulu is the champ. Basically, you can watch your favorites Fox or NBC shows online (in HiDef even) with three or four short (no more than 30 secs) commercials spiced in.

For a while now the ability to stream TV shows on the net has been available, mostly illegally (since there are no commercial and no one makes money off them...greed is good, right?). To combat sites like THIS AWESOME ONE, the networks now almost universally offer their current seasons of entertainment on their individual websites. Sometimes you have to wait a week to view the new episodes after they air on TV, but most are up the morning after. Hulu consolidates a lot of show for you in one place, so you don't have to go from network site to network site. Plus they've got movies, and it is all free.

Anyway, that having been said I have embedded a widget in the sidebar that will update with Hulu's new holiday offerings as they become available. First up is the feature film Rudy (a rather lame classic, I know) and there will be more to come. I encourage you to keep and eye out for updates and check the site because they also have a pretty decent catalouge of full movies you can watch (good mix of old, new, classic and WTF?). I love the internets.

My Life: A Graphical Representation

WORK

PLAY



Relationship



CATS

More Pirate News

This just got real folks.

I wrote earlier about how the perception of "pirate" has changed rather dramatically from its Treasure Island/Pirates of the Caribbean perception recently, and that now piracy is firmly situated once again in the realm of villainy. Recently, the largest ship ever to be hijacked was boarded by Somali pirates and the crew is now being held for ransom, including two Britons.
Despite the 100m in oil aboard, the pirates are apparently only interested in the ransom money. This seems logical, because how would a salt-sea pirate move thousands of oil barrels onto the market anyway?

Similarly, a tanker bound from Hong Kong to Saudi Arabia was taken over by pirates in the Gulf of Aden, which seems to be the hunting ground for these vermin, because a few days later another Hong Kong vessel bearing wheat to Iran was captured. The Saudi's are likening these pirates to terrorists, and I would have to partly agree with that assessment since no doubt many are themselves Muslim extremists. Yet, it is hard to get worked up about the Iranians not getting their Chinese wheat as both of those countries are hostile to America and Iran especially is an enemy. Also, the goal in these hijackings seems purely financial, making piracy the more fitting term in any event.

It seems to me that the USA is not terribly concerned about these pirates as they are localizing their attacks in the Persian Gulf and Gulf of Aden, mostly targeting Chinese or Saudi vessels, and not really effecting our interests. Remember, dear readers, that America was welled served by foreign nationals attacking the British Empire at sea during our earlier troubles with our good cousins. However, the taking of a ship with Britons aboard cannot be excused by our government in today's age. Though, as cited in my earlier post, the Royal Navy don't seem to have a problem killing pirates themselves and taking care of business when the opportunity arises.

Our own Navy is responding rather cryptically: (from Breitbart)
The top US military officer said Monday he was "stunned" by the reach of the Somali pirates who seized a Saudi supertanker off the east coast of Africa, calling piracy a growing problem that needs to be addressed.

But Admiral Michael Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said there were limits to what the world's navies could do once a ship has been captured because national governments often preferred to pay pirates ransom.

"I'm stunned by the range of it, less so than I am the size," Mullen said of the seizure of the Sirius Star Sunday by armed men.

The huge, oil laden prize, which is three times the size of a US aircraft carrier, was some 450 miles east of Kenya when it was boarded, he said.

That is the farthest out at sea that a ship has been seized in the latest surge of piracies, according to Mullen.

The pirates, he said, are "very good at what they do. They're very well armed. Tactically, they are very good."

"And so, once they get to a point where they can board, it becomes very difficult to get them off, because, clearly, now they hold hostages.

"The question then becomes, well, what do you do about the hostages? And that's where the standoff is.

"That's a national question to ask based on the flag of the vessel. And the countries by and large have been paying the ransom that the pirates have asked," he said.

Mullen said the number of successful piracies have gone down, but the incidence of ship seizures were way up.

"It's got a lot of people's attention and is starting to have impact on the commercial side, which I know countries raise as a concern," he said.

"And so there's a lot more focus on this. It's a very serious issue. It's a growing issue. And we're going to continue to have to deal with it," he said.

To add to everything, apparently a Danish vessel was seized by armed pirates, but allowed to go free without ransom. Interesting to say the least.

Concerning the New Star Trek

If you were somehow unaware, there is a new Star Trek film coming soon from Director J.J. Abrams that posits itself as a prequel. A bunch of "hot" young actors assume the famous roles of Kirk, Spock, Scottie, Sulu, etc. as they train to eventually become the crew of the USS Enterprise.

Well, the trailer debuted this weekend in front of Quantum of Solace (at least in my theatre it did) and is now online for your scrutiny HERE AT APPLE.

When I initially saw it I reacted with a mixture of excitement and disgust. I am a Star Trek fan to a limited extent (meaning I've seen the movies and grew up watching The Next Generation.) I think the kid playing Spock looks just like a young Leonard Nemoy, I think the effects look great, and I think Simon Pegg (of Shaun of the Dead fame) will play a great Scottie. However, nearly all of the dialouge in the trailor is awful, the scene with Kirk and Spock fighting promises to be retarded a la this famous showdown:


And worst of all, the kid playing James Tiberius Kirk looks like he couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag. Honestly, I didn't think this film needed to be made. Despite the fact that I appreciate everything Abrams has done (for the most part) up to this point, and feel that he is a very talented guy, I just don't think even he can pull this off. Plus, what is the deal with just titling it "Star Trek"? Has all creativity been syphoned from the Hollywood naming industry? That is almost as bad as The Cave.

Judge for yourself, but I don't have my hopes up.

The MACtrix

No doubt crafted by Mac users taking a break from their exciting ilives, this Matrix parody is both funny and incredibly well produced. The effects are better than in most TV shows these days. It's been dugg nearly 9000 times by now, so some of you may have seen it, but I just love the little paper clip guy:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Intervention

Atlanta has been trying to distance itself from the South for a very long time now, and has for the most part succeeded in part due to an ingenious propaganda campaign. Similar tactics have been at work around the world and we happy few of Southern decent ought to be on the look out, the signs are everywhere:

It is as I feared....but at least the parking is free.

Economy's Down, Invest in Bonds....James Bonds

Take a look at this number:

$160,963,936

That's how much money Quantum of Solace had already made worldwide before even opening today in the USA.

Screw the stock market, I need to get a piece of that action.

Friday Batman

A Friday Batman twofer: The Dark Knight Trailers redone....in Lego!

Quantum of Solace: A Review

A lot of what you get out of a James Bond film depends on what you take into it, and I'm not speaking specifically about expectations. All of us, in one way or another, walk into a film with expectations (especially sequels.) However, to see a James Bond film is to participate in the longest running film franchise in history and, whether you've seen all the movies or just a few, you know the drill. Beyond simple expectations, you have demands.

That is why Quantum of Solace is different (and I argue better) from any of the other Bond films, and a worthy sequel to the reboot Casino Royale, because director Marc Forster brings to life a film that doesn't care one way or another about audience demands. The paradox is that the film, having taken its own path, still respects audience expectations by having the action, the chases (by land, sea, and air!), the sexy women, the spy shenanigans.
You can read all sorts of reviews on Rotten Tomatoes where writers complain that Quantum is a great action movie, but not a great Bond movie. Or you can read how Quantum is the worst Bond movie ever made and only a competent spy movie. Though the film is currently rated "fresh" somewhere in the seventy percentile range, the general consensus is that Casino Royale was better, Marc Forster made a decent action movie, but as a Bond film Quantum is a missed opportunity.
To all of that, I would say bollicks.
Now to elaborate without spoiling anything:


Quantum of Solace is a film about James Bond in the desert, reflected in both the story and the setting. The core of the film is the revenge story, certainly, but not Bond's hunt for revenge. Throughout the film we see a man who has lost greatly and knows only that he is filled with anger, however Bond doesn't know with whom to be angry. He certainly has his options, the man responsible for Vesper's death, Vesper herself, or the organization that put him in a position to choose duty over love (solidly represented by Judie Dench's M). Thus, unable to decide who is to blame he approaches all three with the same furor, willing to smash everything to bits and sort out the mess afterwards to see if along the way he actually hit the right target. Bond is alone, deserted, and his internal emptiness is externally reflected by director Forster's choice of setting: the barren wastes of a South American desert.
There is a paralell to Bond's struggle represented in the "Bond girl" of the film, gorgeous Russian actress Olga Kurylenko as Camille. However, Camille's revenge plot is allowed to play out straight, with a clear antagonist, and to see how her story intertwines and affects that of Bond is clever, and poetic.

That is the true story of Quantum of Solace (hence the title), but the other plotlines are good as well. Part of Bond's search for revenge involves his angry assault on his "duty", which takes him tooth and claw into a plan by a ghost-like organization that is arranging a military coup in Bolivia to take control of that country's resources (ostensibly oil), something we learn they accomplished previously in Haiti (and hearkening back to Casino Royale we see the same going on in Africa with La Chifre.) Thus the main "bad guy" is an environmentalists with evil ulterior motives. Here the film becomes a bit of a political mess as the US and the CIA are shown in support of the regime change so they can get their hands on more oil. There is an unfortunately large amount of retardation thrown about wherein the Americans are vilified, or just made to look incompetent under the pretense that the US deals with anybody to get what they want (oil). Which is of course why were such good friends with Chavez, right? This is clearly the contribution Paul Haggis brought to the screenplay. I digress....
Ultimately the politics get worked out and become interesting because, unlike some vague world domination plan seen in earlier Bond stories, the bad guys in the new Bond world operate in a believable, real world context. Eventually, the stories all come together in the aforementioned desert in a (literally) explosive climax that where Bond passes through the fire.

The film is much tighter than Casino Royale (which despite its higher RT rating) suffered greatly from an overlong runtime, an unfocused plot, and one of the most boring third acts ever. I would place both films on equal footing as far as action and spy vs. spy plotting, but I would choose Quantum of Solace as the smarter movie. One that has all the expected action and Bond-i-ness without caving into the demands of a series that produced, at best, four truly worthwhile films.